Saturday, March 25, 2017

OMG!!! Chet!

I was walking on the beach when I heard my name. Soft. Raspy. Plaintive.

"Al........... Hey Al..."

Where was the voice coming from?

"Don't step on me, man."

I looked down and...

"Chet! Mi amigo!"

"Please, no Spanish. I've had my fill of Spanish."

"How the hell? What...? You were in custody for the, um, drug thing."

The last I'd seen Chet was at the border, over a year ago, when Feds hauled him away for trying to smuggle heroin in his fez.

"The cartel tunneled me out, but into Mexico. I told them I wanted to be on the other side of the border. They thought I was crazy, but they put me on a fishing boat and wished me luck. The captain didn't want to deal with me, so somewhere out there they told me to swim ashore, then tossed me overboard. I swam for what seemed like hours, days. I couldn't tell which direction I was going or if I was swimming in circles. I was exhausted. I grabbed onto this kelp and hoped the currents would take me to land. Where am I? The US or Mexico?"

"California, my friend."


"But the authorities will be looking for you."

"Yeah. I guess I'm a big time fugitive from justice now. Oh well."

"I was planning on going to San Felipe, but you wouldn't wanna be..."

"No. No Mexico for me. The opposite direction would be better."

"Yeah. Okay. Good to have you back, buddy."

"Good to be here."


  1. lmao


    Let the adventures begin.

  2. Make sure there's nothing hidden beneath his hat and hide him in your poop bucket the feds won't look for him in there.

    1. During the same border crossing when Chet was nabbed, they searched the Rolling Steel Tent. One of the officers (a nice young lady) pointed to my poop bucket and asked, "What's in there?"

      "Um, human waste."

      "Yeah, that what we thought, but we still have to look inside. Open it, please."

      I shrugged, she took a very quick peek (and whiff) and stepped back. "Okay."

      Afterward, I realized I could've hidden something between the bucket and the garbage bag liner—if I were inclined to do any smuggling.

  3. Borneo's safe for him there he will fit in fine with the head shrinkers.

  4. When I saw your title on my news reader, I thought it was gonna be the Chet from Weird Science:

    1. Actually, the name was inspired by Steve Buscemi's character in "Barton Fink." And Chet Atkins.

    2. Barton Fink! Now that was a weird movie. "I'll show you the life of the mind!"

  5. really expect us to believe this story? I mean, really? C'mon, man, we all know you traded Chet for a new step-stool after running over yours for the umpteenth time. And Chet can be a handful, we know that, but it was a bad idea anyway. Why? Because Chet's back and you now have no step-stool. Don't believe me? Take a look. It's been repossessed. Or maybe re-traded would be a better way to put it. And Chet's back.

    Next time, don't tell people where you are until after you've already left. (But I'm glad he's back, the little rascal.)