I panicked, of course. My stuff! My transportation! My home! What will I do?
When I awoke I realized the dream was about losing my nomadic way of life, my independence. Permanently or only temporarily. And, really, it was about losing myself. My self.
I was lost and unhappy the ten years or so previous to becoming a full-time wanderer. But when the concept of van dwelling presented itself, something deep inside shouted, “Yes! That’s it! That’s me! The real me.”
In explaining how I felt out of place in my family, I often say, “If I had learned I was adopted it would’ve explained so much. If I had learned I’d been left by Martians it would’ve explained everything.” Well, vandwelling explained everything. “Yes, of course, that’s who I am.”
There was never any doubt, only logistics to be figured out.
So now, the cancer diagnosis and the treatment that starts tomorrow are just another set logistics. Take care of that stuff and get back to being my true, happy, fulfilled, contented self.
You're breaking my heart. Seeing you get back out there will be like the end of a wildlife documentaries where the rescued seal gets released to the open ocean.
ReplyDeleteNow you are thinking right again. Run with it.
ReplyDeleteHeal with unyielding intent, then....turn the key.
ReplyDeleteI have lots of recurring dreams about parking somewhere and not being able to get back to my vehicle. No doubt because I am dependent on having it for many reasons. What makes us the most anxious will work its way into our dreams. I wish that did not happen and that it was only fun and happy things that we dream about.
ReplyDeleteI have had some success at controlling my dreams by starting a dream story in my head while waking before I fall asleep. While I might dream about other things it does seem to help keep the anxiety type of dreams to a minimum. I used to do that as a young girl too but then quit doing it until about a year ago.
ReplyDeleteI see my anxious dreams as therapy. Let out the feelings, acknowledge them, learn from them, deal with them. And I have a deal with my dream center: balance the anxious dreams with pleasant ones.
DeleteAbsent from RST for a few weeks (with the only valid excuse: an internetless road trip) Now, I return to this.
ReplyDeleteYour courage and humour are truly inspiring. Would that I could be so under such stress.
Intense good vibes now beaming southwards from Frito and I.