Disappearing

One of the reasons I love sleep is that I can be free of my body for a while. I'm not talking about out-of-body experiences, only that my body becomes irrelevant for a while.

I get comfortable in my plush bed, go through a checklist of muscle relaxation. I become unaware of anything touching me. I get so I'm not conscious of any part of my body—except my mind. Sometimes an itch or tiny muscle twitch will break the spell and I'll need to start over. But I've gotten pretty good at it.

As I drift off, there's no clear line between being awake and sleeping. It's a delicious state, my mind floating, wandering. Sometimes I become aware I'm sinking into dreamless unconsciousness where my mind stops taking note of even itself.

O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh y-e-e-e-e-e-e-ssssssssssss...

This is why sleeplessness is so frustrating to me. My body won't shut up and go away. My mind has to waste its time dealing with it. "Settle down out there! Quit fidgeting! Go! To! Sleep! Don't make me get the Benedryl!"

I usually wake a few times during the night. But that's okay, because I get to go through the body escaping process all over again. It's especially gratifying to wake feeling like I've slept half the night when it has only been a couple of hours. Ah, a lot more time to do this over and over.

If I ever got into recreational self-medication, it would definitely be downers. Well, and hallucinogens.