What next?

Are you reeling in the years, stowing away the time?

—Steely Dan

And you may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”

—Talking Heads

My sixtieth birthday was looming large on the horizon. Sixty. Damn. Where had my life gone? Was this where I really wanted to be by now? And what did my current situation say about my future?

At 43 I’d made a Big Life Change. Quit a marriage, quit a job, quit Southern California and restarted fresh in Charlotte, North Carolina. New place, new job, new possibilities. Taking control of my life again. WOOO!

Then I settled into a rut that left me disappointed with myself fifteen years later. I had changed geography but I was still the same person, with the same faults. No matter where you go, there you are. Right?

It was time to shake things up. Again. What would it be? And could I avoid the rut?

The van dweller life certainly means frequent changes in location. But that’s not enough. Living cheaply isn’t enough. Having greater freedom and fewer burdens isn’t enough. Avoiding crummy weather and unpleasant people isn’t enough. Because all of that can become a rut, too.  

The changes will need to be internal. But what sort? I'd better figure that out before another fifteen years ticks by.

So on and on I go, the seconds tick the time out

There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to find out

—Cat Stevens