Thursday, January 24, 2019

Please speak clearly into the van

When I have the windows closed and the stereo off I sometimes hear a soft staticy, scritchy, hissing sound that comes and goes. Is it a critter in the dash again? Broadcasts from space? Just a new tinnitus sound in my head?

I finally tracked it down. Or, rather discovered it by accident. It turns out my rear-view camera has a built-in microphone.

Okay, but why? So I can better hear my bumper crunching when I back into a tree or rock? So I can hear a pedestrian shout, “Hey, I’m walking here?” So I can hear him scream in agony as I back over him anyway?

I’d rather have a speaker back there. A big loud one. I’d like to be able to tell tailgaters to either pass me or back off. Or tell someone their turn signal has been on for the past eleven miles. Or even to thank someone for letting me merge. (Like that's ever going to happen.) It would be nice if it had a processor to make me sound like God. Or James Earl Jones. (God would probably like to sound like James Earl Jones.)

Meanwhile, I’ll just listen. They say you don’t hear the bullet that gets you. But maybe I’ll hear the howling brakes of the semi that’s about to plow into me. (Sent by God as punishment for the wisecrack above.)

4 comments:

  1. I think the sound is a mix between people from outer space and the tetinitis.

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  2. The frequency between the aforementioned abd backup speaker are similar.

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  3. the speaker is for people who simply must take a belt and suspenders approach. Meaning a backup camera and also someone standing by the back telling them which way to turn the wheel and how close they are to hitting objects. That is why there is a microphone, so they can hear what their helper is saying to them.

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  4. Hey Karin...It's just an illusion, sending the other person back there. They don't know left from right..etc..But it's a great excuse to get them and the nagging out of the rig, and lessen the chances of running over fluffy....Or muffy....
    Don't want to run over "Spike"...(:+)......

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