Not too much peace, thank you

I had a bit of a realization today. Or maybe it was just a moment of remembering something I already knew about myself.

Even though I’m not a sociable person, I prefer having people around. Not that I want to interact with them or anything. Ew, yuck. I just like to have something going on around me—something I can ignore. When I’m out in the boonies, when I really am completely alone, it gets creepy. And a little dull.

I was at the beach today. In the parking lot of the beach, actually. In my van. With the side door open. Reading. The Sunday beach goers were coming and going, making enough commotion to let me know I wasn’t the only human on the planet. It was good. If I were to be in the same spot, doing the same thing on, say, a Tuesday, I wouldn’t have been as relaxed and at peace. After all, what kind of weirdo sits in a van, in an empty beach parking lot, reading.

Worst of all, when I’m absolutely alone, I have no one to complain about. Except myself.