I don’t remember when I first considered myself a pessimist—or at least inclined toward the pessimistic end of the scale. My life experiences taught me to not get my hopes up, not to count on help, not to expect miracles. I learned a positive attitude rarely made good things happen. I learned pessimism led to fewer disappointments. And required less of a personal investment. Detachment is cheap.
My pessimism might have mellowed into pragmatism. Withhold judgment going into a situation and see what happens. Or try to have an informed opinion beforehand. What should I reasonably expect? What are the odds it will go well or go south? My pragmatism still edges closer to pessimism than optimism. Because it seems more realistic.
So I’m taken aback when people comment how I’ve had such a positive attitude during cancer treatment. I have? I thought I was being very wait-and-see. I’m pretty certain I mentioned good things only after they happened. I know I wasn’t one of those hyper-optimistic I’m-gonna-kick-cancer’s-ass cheerleader types.
Is it just that I haven’t whined much, that I just report the side effects and setbacks without drama? Is that what passes for a positive attitude these days? Do people think I’m optimistic because I haven’t dragged them down with my self-pity?
I don’t know.
But I do know I’m glad things have gone as well as they have. Because I wasn’t expecting it.
I think you are a realist....you figure out what needs to be done and you do it. Or you are leaning towards stoicism which is my belief. Two good books on this are On Desire and A Guide to the Good Life...both by William B. Irvine.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my beloved ol' man he was how should I say kinda not always easy and nice and after his retirement the sweetest, kindest true friend a person could be. You know what j.o.b. stands for
ReplyDeleteJackass of the boss.
So, you were just being kind when you didn't drag us all down with you? If so, thanks.
ReplyDeleteNext year is very likely to be overall a lot more fun for you than 2019 has been. How is that for optimism?
ReplyDeleteFacts without feelings allow others to be more distanced, I think, so they feel genuinely optimistic over all when absorbing. No matter what you call it, I'm glad to see that it is progressing well.
ReplyDeleteHow did that D/L thing turn out?
D/L thing?
DeleteIf you mean driver license, I won't be in Arizona for a few weeks yet.
DeleteYes that's it. It was a practical impact I'd never considered someone having to deal with. I've always just wondered where they get those terrible cameras for the DMV that make me look so much older every time I have to renew :)
DeleteBarbara Ehrenreich speaks to this in her book "Bright-Sided: How The Relentless Promotion Of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America".
ReplyDeleteI just read a NYT book review to learn more about that book. An excerpt—
Delete...this newest volume is based on her stay in a world that she became intimately familiar with: the smiley-faced, pink-ribboned, positive-thinking culture that surrounds breast cancer patients.
ReplyDeleteNiki-bobSeptember 7, 2019 at 11:31 PM
Yup; a world all too familiar to me. Pink quickly became my least favorite color. ("Pink-washing" is outed by the non-profit "Breast Cancer Action" education and advocacy organization).
When I was driving an old pal to his treatments, the first day I walked him in, we were met with a sign that read "The W......... Valley ("Cancer" crossed out) 'Believe' Institute". We both feared we might injure ourselves from uncontrollable gagging and eyeball rolling.
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Fortunately, I didn't see anything like that at UCLA Health.
DeleteThey don't do that at the Seattle Cancer care alliance either. But they do have some nice art all throughout the building. Now that I like, something interesting to see and explore while you have to hang around waiting for various stuff to happen.
Delete"My life experiences taught me to not get my hopes up, not to count on help... I learned a positive attitude rarely made good things happen... pessimism led to fewer disappointments". That sums up my life exactly. Only sprinkle on a decent dose of distrust of nice people. I wonder if the majority of your followers resonate the same feelings - and that is why they follow you.
ReplyDeleteI had a bit of an "ah ha" moment reading this. I too am somewhat of a pessimist who's become a pragmatist as I've gotten older. Now, I realize that my thought process probably stems from the similar childhood/growing up experience you had because we have the same parents. Kent, the eternal optimist, is often full of big ideas that to me seem unattainable. He always says to me, "Think of reasons how you can do something, not why you can't.". It makes for some interesting interactions between us. See you next week!
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